Hello, 2020 // The Year of Change

So 2019 was the year of growth. It was the year that rocked the style of life I'd had for 17 years. It was the year that showed me just how much it had cost me to drift with the tide and take things easily. It was the year that I decided to dig my heels in and change, painful as that is.

2019 brought a lot of tears as I realized the mess I'd become. I lost a lot of good habits and fell into bad ones. Mostly, I found myself struggling hard against laziness. I'm a naturally lazy person and as I grew older I became more and more lazy. The consequences have caught up with me and I had found that I'm not happy with them.

So I am going to talk a bit about the changes I want to make in my life this year.

One huge change I want to do this year is my health. I hate the way I look, I don't feel good, and get sick easily. I've completely avoided exercise, and eat too much, and pick at my pimples. I've started using MONAT for my hair and face and I already see huge improvements, but I still need to quit eating my hair & nails (#easilybored #tooanxious) and I need to eat better and actually exercise. I'm not going for a huge weight loss. My goal is to exercise Monday-Saturday (can't on Sunday) and to actually eat only as much as I need, not as much as I want--so, smaller portions & only one helping. Also, I will try to be a little smarter about what I eat. My sister will be helping me in that. ;)

The next change is my lifestyle. I have been having a lot of trouble with going to bed early, getting up early, sticking to schedules, procrastinating, wasting time, etc. So I am going to be making myself a schedule & trying my very best to stick to it. Again, bashing laziness. ;) I also want to intentionally make time to read my Bible & pray every day-something I have huge difficulty doing. I will also be thinking of scaling back my blogging & bookstagramming, depending on how college goes. I'm going to try to be more aware of where & how I waste time and be smarter about using my time. 

The third change is--I want to be brave. 

I'm gonna be 19 this month. I've been an adult for one year and I'm sick of all the fear and nervousness I've suffered. I don't wanna do that. And I don't have to. God doesn't want me to live in a spirit of fear. I have tp be brave. I have to rein in my thoughts. I have to trust God. And I need to let go of my pride. 

Finally, the fourth change is--be more Christlike. This really envelopes all this. I want to be temperate, like Christ. I want to be orderly, like Christ. I want to be courageous & humble & trusting. This year, I want to work on handing things over to God. I don't want to let anger & fear control me any more. I want to love people & help them. I want to show Jesus' love. I want Him to shine though. I want to be His reflection. 

Of course, I have other little aspirations. I'd like to read certain books, write certain things. But that's it. And these things don't count as much. They are not my real goals. I don't want to chase these material goals and ignore my real, important, spiritual goals.

I love how the new year is a chance to start over. A blank slate. But no matter how hard you try, unless you have God's strength, you'll never be able to change yourself. And God helping me, I will change this year. 

I read this post yesterday and almost teared up. This is the cry of my heart in 2020. God help me to keep my eyes on this. I want to be a Little More Like Jesus.

So my word of the year? 

Christlike. 

My verse of the year? 

"And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another. That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;" 

That's actually several verses put together. XP

And my hymn of the year...

Take my life and let it be

Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

Take my moments and my days;

Let them flow in endless praise,

Let them flow in endless praise.

Take my hands and let them move

At the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet and let them be

Swift and beautiful for Thee,

Swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing

Always, only, for my King.

Take my lips and let them be

Filled with messages from Thee,

Filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold;

Not a mite would I withhold.

Take my intellect and use

Every power as Thou shalt choose,

Every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will and make it Thine;

It shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart--it is Thine own;

It shall be Thy royal throne,

It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love; my Lord, I pour

At Thy feet its treasure store.

Take myself, and I will be

Ever, only, all for Thee,

Ever, only, all for Thee. 

Frances R. Havergal

So yes. This is the year of change. This is the year in which I will allow God to change me. Where I'll let Him direct my path. Change my plans. Control my soul.

I don't expect to be perfect. I am expecting lots of tears and trembling and difficulty. But I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand--and I know that He will lead me into better things than I could ever dream.